It’s been a month and a half since the TV static descended. They will be remembered as quiet, but happy times. There we were, sailing happily over the static seas with no TV when IT appeared.
It came out of the mailbox like a hellish kraken from the depths. As soon as I saw it, I knew we were doomed. For the wife can do math too.
As it entered the house, its battle cry rocked the walls. “TV! – PHONE! – INTERNET! – BUNDLE!”
The Beast had found our weakness. Unlike Smaug’s moth-eaten chainmail, the gap in our armor is over the wallet.
As feared, the wife did the math, and rose up in all her fierce glory. The static could not stand against her when armed with a bundle that combined TV, Phone, and Internet into a single monthly charge that was less than what we were paying for just Phone and a (lower-speed) Internet. She wielded her dollar-tipped spear and jammed it straight into the static’s guts. Conan could have done no finer job of slaying. The static died between one heart beat and the next. All it has to do now is topple to the ground.
Which it will do on Thursday between 1pm and 4pm when the cable guy arrives.